“Nothing good ever happens to me!” You DO NOT want to think, say, or believe this!

Originally published on http://www.leannehalyburton.com

I have many faults (yes, really!), and I am likely to be a work in progress until I take my last breath… but I don’t believe I have ever uttered the cry, “nothing good ever happens to me!” And if I have, it would have been a long time ago, and I would have deserved a damned good shake from someone less entrenched in self-pity!

It is a phrase I have heard many, many times – and it is always a lie! Think about it: NOTHING good EVER happens to me. NothingEver? The last time this miserable phrase assaulted my ears was around 2 months ago, courtesy of someone who was having the kind of uncomfortable problems we all experience in life… someone in possession of reasonable health, with people on the planet who love her and whom she loves, enough money to live on, access to health care, technology, education, and transport… the precious things that are far too often taken for granted, especially by the habitually dissatisfied. This lady’s problem was a frustrating relationship issue, a situation that was being allowed to balloon out of perspective, overshadowing every other aspect of her life. And you might say, “oh, well, it’s just a phrase, something we all say at times – it doesn’t mean anything!” – and I would respond with, “Sorry – you are dead wrong there!”

Words are far more powerful than you might imagine, and although we all experience periodic dips (crashes, even) throughout our lives, it requires a certain kind of thinking to allow the offending statement to slip so guilt-free and easily from our lips. If we say it just once, without immediately thinking, “ouch, I really didn’t mean that, I do have so much to be grateful for, despite my problems – I am just feeling bad about this particular situation, right now, at this moment in time”, we are likely to think and say it again… and believe it. And that has the capacity to lead us to unconsciously seek out anything that validates the belief that… nothing-good-ever-happens-to-me. And who the hell wants to live under that miserable banner-heading (or associate too closely with anyone who does)?

Every aspect of our life has its own, individual energetic field, and we are always in the process of attracting and repelling. Our brain is aware of everything we think and feel, especially the stuff we repeat over and again, creating new neural connections accordingly… programming us to automatically replay and act out the old, familiar patterns. And our unconscious mind is continuously sucking it all up, even when our conscious mind has temporarily been distracted away from whatever the ongoing issue is… ready to bring it sharply to the fore every time we think about or experience something similar. It likes to match things, to join the dots; if we have unwittingly programmed our unconscious mind to accept that nothing good ever happens to us, it is duty bound to assist us in being right (survival instinct). It will cause us to be aware of, and even attracted by, circumstances that ‘prove’ our beliefs to be correct. Of course, that is not all that the unconscious mind is about, but its contents are all our own work – nothing gets in there that wasn’t generated by us, wittingly or unwittingly.

What are other examples of the kind of thinking we really need to avoid like the plague?

Why do bad things always happen to me?

Why does everyone let me down?

Bad things happen to good people.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Why am I so unlucky?

Why do I always attract the wrong people?

There is a tendency toward generalisation where destructive beliefs are concerned (another danger to be avoided), the biggest culprits being the words always/everyone/continuously. “I am ALWAYS unlucky!”, “you CONTINUOUSLY do things to hurt me!”, “EVERYONE lets me down!” Imagine being the person who is always and continuously kicked in the gut by everyone… whew, there is actually some kind of dubious power to be gained from that, I imagine!

So, when it is said that words don’t matter, maybe one-off or off-the-cuff remarks don’t carry too much weight… but never underestimate the potential cumulative effect of habitual negative thinking – the most insidious form of self-harm! We are all going to suffer at times throughout our lives; we are all going to want to howl at the moon, or stand on a mountain top and scream from the centre of our very being, or grab God/the universe by the short-and-curlies, throwing out our best possible punch… but if we retain even one ounce of awareness and gratitude, we won’t reduce the precious aspects of our lives to mere rubble. Whenever we take for granted the things that are a part of our everyday life (including the basic things that other human beings can only dream of), willingly buying into bitterness and resentment, we are signing up for the dark side!

Make your goals visible and colourful, and engage with them every day!

My positivity board is fixed to the wall in my cozy little office, as a colourful reminder of some of my hopes, dreams and intentions. When I created it, I was focusing on the main things that were on my mind at that time, but I now feel that I need an additional board, covering two other goals that are highly important to me. I am going to start collecting relevant images, words and phrases this weekend.

To some, it might all just seem to be a bit of silly stuff… childish, even, especially for someone in her 60’s. Well, all I can say is that the board always gives me a little buzz of pleasure, when I turn slightly in my chair to gaze upon the cheerful images and messages… some of which have actually become a reality in my life.

I am certainly happier with my neck (something that had really started to bug me), and don’t seem to notice the bit of looseness that used to cause me to feel ‘old’. I don’t know that anything has changed; maybe I am taking a bit of extra care with it, but I believe that I have just come to accept it, which means that it no longer haunts me!

I am definitely happier with my teeth, and have even found a decent, reasonably priced dentist!

My finances improved a little, allowing us to buy a new mattress and bedding, and some nice pictures for the bedroom (a new bed was an absolute must).

I am definitely fitter than I was when I created the board, which is a major plus point.

(I am still waiting for a nice big fridge freezer, with the fridge on the top, putting an end to having to crouch down, whilst moving everything around in order to find a packet of ham or a yoghurt!).

The next board will focus on my goals for my writing career, and on leisure… specifically motorbiking. Both of our bikes require mechanical attention, and ideally I want to attract/acquire a trike for my partner; due to health issues, he can no longer handle a heavy bike. For myself, I want to hang onto my little old beloved bike, whilst also attracting/acquiring a new one. Obviously, money is the answer (plenty of bikes and trikes out there), but I have come to believe that it is important to add emotional energy to our aims and desires… to sell our story to the creative force of life, with feeling, enthusiasm and passion… to explain what we want that money for! And apart from that, if we have consistent, physical reminders of what we say we want to create, achieve and realise, it becomes so much easier to see it all as potentially ‘real’. Maybe it is psychological, but then, isn’t everything? We can persuade ourselves to believe anything, and that our beliefs are absolutely correct and true. We will also seek out anything that validates and supports those beliefs, using it as ‘evidence’ of our smartness and accuracy! Better to nurture productive, hopeful beliefs, than those that are limited, restrictive and colourless!

Maybe some people are so focused and strong minded that they don’t need reminders like positivity/wish boards; I wish I was one of them. I can sink as easily as the next woman (or man), and I can lose sight of my own big dreams at the drop of a hat, especially if I have had a difficult patch. But I am afraid to give up and give in; I am afraid to stop believing, and I know for sure that I will continue to be a work in progress until I take my very last breath… and I believe that the same is true of every other human being on the planet. If you could do with a bit of a playful boost to your hopes and dreams, something encouraging to gaze upon on the grey, dull, hopeless days, find a board (an old bit of cardboard box, even!), some magazines, glue, and a pair of scissors – it’ll take a bit of work, but you will love the end result, because it will a representation of your own wonderful, inner world!