I hate the effort and sweat of fitness training (and everything else, come to think of it) – until I have finished!

Last night I put myself through 45 minutes of circuit training, followed by 60 minutes of kickboxing fitness training (it was a killer session). I really wanted to shout at the instructor (who just so happens to be my eldest daughter), “RIGHT, lady – I’ve just about had enough of this! I am 61 you know – don’t you think you are being ridiculously unreasonable in your demands?”, and slope miserably off to the sidelines. In my fantasy world, that’s exactly what I did do; in the real world, I gritted my teeth and kept going. And although I can still feel every inch of it in so many muscles, I can also feel the underlying benefit. I know for sure that I will force myself through several more sessions this coming week, too… and the week after that, etc, etc.

Late this morning I sat in front of my laptop, and couldn’t think of a single thing to write about. NCIS was on the TV, in the background, and I suddenly remembered that I wanted to check out my American cousin’s eBay site, to see how it is doing, and whether or not it is worth giving it another go myself (I decided that it isn’t). I considered going into the kitchen to get something else to eat, and wondered if I needed another cup of tea or not… and all the while, an insistent, uneasy guilt was nagging away at me: “you’re supposed to be writing today, and developing other aspects of your business – remember?”. I did remember, but procrastinating was a whole lot easier than making myself actually put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Obviously, I did eventually start… by writing about my own resistance, and the desire to avoid effort at all costs! Read more

“What’s the matter love? Going through the menopause?” Man-in-a-van gives me a wake-up call!

On the 6th February, I wrote the following post, on my Facebook business page:

This week I have attracted two separate confrontational incidents into my life. The first time it happened I wrote it off as just a random incident. The second time it happened (which was the following day!), I had to ask myself what was going on with ME, rather than what was going on with other people! I am not proud of how I reacted either, the second time around, swearing like a trooper at a ‘man in a van’, who sneered, “what’s the matter love? Going through the menopause?” whilst his friend sniggered. I called him a f*****g pig (amongst other things, and now you can see why I’m not proud of myself). I had a troubled night, digging deep into my psyche, looking for the raw spot… and I found a couple of them. I really wasn’t bothered about the menopause insult, but I think I might have actually attracted it, because I have been thinking a lot about life at the age of 61 and onward, recently, and the different qualities it brings. I am not unhappy about aging, but I have become aware of how invisible we can become (or maybe just feel) when we are no longer in the flush of youth. And I am aware that, realistically speaking, there aren’t a huge number of years left, to achieve the things I want to… and that maybe I am not putting in enough consistent effort! And I think that this has maybe been creating unconscious frustration – leading me to cross paths with pig man! Time to do some internal clearing and healing, and some accepting…

On the 7th February, I followed up with the post below: Read more